“As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands – one for helping yourself and the other for helping others.” – Audrey Hepburn

My dad was a United Church Minister who felt an essential part of his job was visiting nursing homes and shut-ins (those still at home but unable to go out). As a kid, I found these segments of society frightening and didn’t quite understand why Dad made this part of his occupation.

Years passed, and I concentrated on my career and developing relationships within my immediate circle. As my parents aged, I became more aware of their frailty and need for greater and greater support. My Mom chose the route of fighting against any medications that would prolong her life. She died without ever having to enter an institution. My dad, on the other hand, loved medications and was willing to put in the effort to fight til the end. I don’t know if he knew he was doing this, but that’s what happened. Dad ended up in a lockdown ward with Lewy body dementia. He received excellent support from the staff and my family. He was a lucky man in an unlucky situation. Or was it?

My niece, a social worker specializing in Alzheimer’s, and I have talked about how we judge dementia patient’s happiness based on how we, able-minded people, think they should feel. Firstly, are we really all able-minded? Secondly, what if we’re wrong and they, in fact, are living free of their ego, blissfully unaware? We may never have the answer to this question, but one thing is sure: no one’s suffering increases from receiving love, so it’s probably a good thing to continue doing.

During the time between Mom’s passing and Dad’s extreme dementia, I had the opportunity to talk to him about wanting to visit shut-ins when I retired. He thought this was a great idea and gave me some leads as to where to make contacts. The bottom line is that shut-in visitation is not as straightforward as once, and I was at a loss regarding the next steps. This is when I made a random call to Tara, the volunteer and recreation manager at Mackenzie Place Long-Term Care Home. Tara was passionate about her job, compassionate with the residents, and brightened every room she entered. She was made for this industry, and I immediately knew this was where I would volunteer.

After an intense onboarding process, I was given my name badge and a list of residents who would enjoy a visit. I was terrified! How the heck do you visit people? This is when it dawned on me that there were no expectations. I just needed to say hello and talk about whatever came to my mind or theirs. I just needed to be present. They were once me. We were the same.

Being present with them also allowed me to experience the home itself often when no one knew I was watching. It is a simple place, well maintained, and overflowing with a compassionate workforce.  These people were angels with an extremely important occupation. We put them in charge of ensuring our elders’ last days contained magic and that they felt loved and wanted. That they are still important to society. I’m no longer frightened and am proud to be a small part of their care team.  Kudos to you, Mackenzie Place.

Many homes need volunteers, if not for one-on-one visiting, then for helping with activities. This is a purposeful retirement activity!