“If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.” – Jack Lemmon
Golf—what a lovely idea! Walking a course, hitting a ball, and being with friends. I had taken lessons years ago and purchased a set of clubs from Amazon. I thought the lessons went well, but I learned it is quite a different challenge when out on a course. I was still in the workforce, so I found little time to play, which meant I never really improved. Retirement would be my opportunity!
My sister and I decided to join a league that seemed advertised as taking any level and open to newcomers. The first game would be best ball, allowing for a skills assessment. We could also play with whoever accompanied us, so I felt comfortable having this experience with my sister. Playing the best ball allowed the game to proceed at a good pace and let the more experienced golfers not get frustrated with us newbies. Rankings would be shown the following week, at which time the teams would start to be mixed.
The second game saw the start of formal golf with standard scorekeeping and a maximum of 12 shots per hole. I, as expected, was one of the lower ranks. Playing with a group of experienced people was intimidating, but I kept reminding myself that this was a learning league, and everyone had to start somewhere. This was when I learned that patience for a 12-shot player was not always in abundance. I finished the games feeling deflated and wondered why I was putting myself through this. I realize that this self-definition was entirely in my control, but I have to say that a bunch of people giving you the snake-eye does not make it easy to maintain one’s self-esteem. I finally mentioned this to my sister on a ride home one night. She, too, had the same feeling, which seemed so wrong as this was our social feel-good activity, and we were to be having fun. A very Canadian terse note was subsequently sent to the organizer, and off we went to find a new league.
The new league will be referred to as the happy group (HG). It also had a mixture of talent but was far more accepting of newcomers and the need to welcome new blood to sustain the sport on an ongoing basis. The HG has no rules, just encouragement. The HG knows that we all have come from the same spot and that our joy is their joy. I am happy to report that our games have improved considerably, but we have no intention of returning to the original league.
Retirement will see me remind myself that how others treat me directly reflects how they feel about themselves. This does not mean I need to surround myself with these people; recognize them, write a terse letter, and move on!