“You cannot be lonely if you like the person you are alone with.” – Wayne Dyer

During the pandemic, the government instituted groups that could spend time together. Your bubble, I believe it was called. Single people were put in a group called alone, and they, me because I was and am, were graciously allowed to enter other people’s bubbles. This is when my friends and I coined the term “alonelies” bubbleless, alone but cut some slack so we wouldn’t be lonely. The alonelies live on to this day. We proudly refer to ourselves as such and are never shy about who we are!

Growing up, there was much pressure to be with someone, then once with someone, there was pressure to get married. Then, once married, there was pressure to have a child, and once a child was born, there was pressure to have a second. I think all of these expectations should be banished from the human psyche. No one who hasn’t met the criteria wants to hear the questions, and most people who have don’t need to discuss it. We have accepted these inquiries for far too long, and I say it is time to stop!

Firstly, there is no glory in being in a relationship if it is meant to satisfy a need. No external person or thing should be given that power over us. The book A Course in Miracles states, “In a holy relationship, you do not see yourself as lacking, and you do not bestow your partner with the power to save or damn. You regard both of you as whole, together to discover, magnify, and celebrate the gifts you bring to each other and the world”. If we’re not doing it to augment our already happy existence, we must look within to figure it out.

Secondly, a loving couple is a loving couple, paperwork or not. Those who want to marry should, and those who don’t shouldn’t. I doubt any couple awaits my input before deciding, but it is gladly available if absolutely needed.

Lastly, children need love and lots of it. People willing to take on this monumental task should be commended, but it is not for everyone, nor should there be a gauge that says it is the only way life should be lived. It is a hugely sensitive subject for those trying, unable, or not wanting to. Zipped lips are in order.

I’m done with the aside now, back to being an alonelie. The world recognizes being alone as a respectable status, and many programs and activities support this growing demographic. In retirement, I want to be more conscious of the questions I ask and walk with pride in my aloneliness.