“There is no illusion greater than fear.” – Lao Tzu

Last night, I got up to go to the washroom around 2:30 and then entertained fearful thoughts for the next hour or so. Fear is debilitating. I’ve learned some tricks to combat this illusory emotion, such as body scans and awareness of my breath, but last night, it was a bit stronger than usual. The only thing I gained from this hour of lost time was a less-than-satisfactory sleep and morning headache.

On my morning walk, I thought about my dog Stella. She was not up in the middle of the night, wondering how she would feed herself if I were gone or what would happen if some other dog attacked her. She was living in the blissful moment of now, dark, quiet, and peaceful. I then took a moment to think of our distant ancestors out foraging for food, sleeping in the great outdoors, and trusting their capability of sustaining themselves and their tribe. I’m thinking, but maybe wrong, that they were not kept awake wondering what next year would hold and what would happen if it snowed. They were survivalists living in the moment.

A Course in Miracles states that “our faith is placed on the most trivial and insane symbols-pills, money, “protective” clothing, “influence,” “prestige,” being liked, knowing the “right” people, and an endless list of forms of nothingness which we endow with magical powers.” Our worship of these illusions causes our debilitating fear.

But are some fears not warranted? When thinking about this, I was hard-pressed to identify any fear, except maybe being attacked by a grizzly, that should cause me sleepless nights. Even with the grizzly, I would need to act appropriately in that moment. Any other perceived fear I had was a mind-made illusion that, if it took place, could be addressed, but other than that, it should be released immediately to allow for more mentally positive living to take place.

Next year, I plan to sell my house and potentially hit the road in a class C camper with my girl Stella. Do not think for a moment that this does not conjure up fear within me. Will I like being alone? Will it be too expensive? Will I get attacked? How will I support myself? Where will I go afterward? The list goes on, augmented by good-intentioned people’s opinions of what I should be fearful of.

I don’t want to be debilitated by fear. I will combat these thoughts by planning in the now, looking at cost-effective, safe options, and trusting that if something happens, I will have the know-how to act in the moment. As for my sleepless nights, I will continue to use the tools I have learned to offset my crazy brain but also look to Stella and attempt to join her in her blissful, dark, quiet, and peaceful slumber.

Time to live fearlessly!